I cherish my family, they are so important to me. I'm learning to lean on them and ask for help when I need it too. I find this whole stage of cancer difficult to get through, I need help more and more because I feel fatigued most of the time. Simple tasks drain my energy levels. I'm trying to get through feeling very sad that my health has deteriorated. Its not something I can just get over quickly, the whole process of these dramatic changes is having an effect on me now.

The sun shines again today, it's lovely, but I feel nervous and anxious most of the time unless I'm distracted. Most things I attempt to do tire me out more and more, I watch others do things and struggle with the enormity of what I'm going through. Mentally it's hard, physically it's hard and emotionally it's hard. My tummy and abdomen keep growing as the tumours grow and make my bodily functions in that area more difficult. Please, if in doubt of your health, get checked out. Don't delay.

I just lost my latest blog which happens from time to time when I use our iPad! I did save it though! My blogs will be quite short until I start using the laptop again. Since we moved I've not seen it, so it could be a while, or maybe I should just get used to this iPad! I was mainly talking about vomiting again today so it was probably a good one to loose!

I found the post afterall

This morning I vomited after my breakfast. I'd also taken all my morning tablets. I've not been sick for two days so had been doing ok. I've a lot of tablets to take in one day. Not having these drugs in my system can start me off on a vicious circle of trying to deal with symptoms when I can't hold down my prescribed medications. Frustrating to say the least. The anxiety I've been experiencing has been alright today, which has given me a sense of welcome relief. Moving house is stressful enough without dealing with it when you are sick.

I'm finding this phase of my illness very difficult as I'm confronted with the mental aspects of what it means to me to be a terminally I'll cancer patient. Since I was in the Hospice for a month I've been suffering with anxiety and feeling depressed. It hasn't helped knowing this is totally normal for someone going through this experience. I would love to turn back the clock and have 'me' back again but that's not possible.

Good morning one and all. It's been a little while since we posted an update and I know some of you are concerned for news. It is difficult to give you an accurate breakdown of where we are medically as that would require long lists of drugs and general medications. Plus the explanation of one aspect of Judith's condition would be an answer that creates twenty more questions. The point is Judith is in good hands here in the hospice and is in the best place to be, both medically and psychologically. The hospice is a place of safety and control. As we speak the birds are doing their morning thing and all around is a Sunday morning calm. No distant cars or trucks, just peace and tranquility. We have been here two weeks tomorrow and we shall be here for some time yet. Enjoy the weekend, Judith sends her love. Alan.

Good morning everyone, It's nearly a week since Judith was admitted to the hospice and as we speak it is 06:30am Sunday morning. I am sitting in the reclining chair at the foot of Judith's bed she is sleeping now and all is calm and peceful. I have the window open to the lovely garden outside the patio doors and the birds are doing there thing. Judith is very tired most days and sleeps a lot. She finds that a bit frustrating as she would love to be more involved In the day. I shall leave you for now, but thought this a good chance to keep you up to date and wanted to share the moment with you all. Alan.