We have had some days of sunshine which I have really enjoyed. I love this kind of weather when the air is cool and crisp and the sun shines brightly on a March day. The daffodils and crocuses peep their heads out from the cool earth ready to dance in the breeze and blossom in the sunshine. I prefer this weather to any hot muggy day we may get in the Summer. I feel happy to have been out in it today, because I didn't walk at all yesterday. I'm still learning how to manage the fatigue I experience and I suspect it will take some time to get it right. It's a balancing act, getting the right amount of rest and activity isn't as easy as it sounds, other than sitting down and doing nothing all day. We take my Granddaughter Ella for her Horse Riding Lesson every Sunday, so I decided not to go for a walk so I wouldn't use up energy needed for that. My Sister and two Nieces also come over every Sunday so I needed energy for that too. Actually, one of those activities is enough in the day but my Sister, Nieces, Alan and I have such a giggle when they visit I couldn't possibly give it up. Most Sunday's there is screeching and laughter going on for up to three hours, exhausting but so much fun! On Saturday I found myself with too much going on from morning until 3pm and really paid the price, I ended up in bed for 5 hours. I need to hold back from making arrangements as much as possible because I forget what's involved. By the time I've showered, creamed my over dry skin from treatments, then dried my hair, my limbs are aching and I'm ready for a rest. I may have to change my routine so I shower and wash my hair before bedtime so I can get straight into bed. I'm mentioning all this to give you some kind of idea how cancer fatigue can affect you. I felt frustrated again today because there is so much I'd like to do, and I can't attempt to to these things. I've had to let my standards slip around the house, and look longingly at flower pots I'd like to dig and plant Spring flowers in. I thought I'd got over the frustration of not being able to do things and walked into acceptance, but I haven't really. My understanding is that it's a daily acceptance, I'm not over it and that's it I get on with doing what I can in tiny steps, no, it's an on going learning process along with learning to take regular rest periods, and not doing what I want to do all the time.
This evening we took up a small picnic and hot drinks to one of the beauty spots around our home so that we could watch the sunset. It was so beautiful, I love to get out of the house and see the sky and the horizon. The Moon was also shinning brightly in the sky as the sun was going down. My daughter and one of my Granddaughters came and sat alongside us in their car, it was chilly but the sunset made me feel a warm glow inside. How lovely to be in that scenery and have people I love at my side. That and a picnic, what could be better!
