Enjoying the sunshine today.

It was a glorious day for a walk, we met up with Jessica and Jasmine at the fishery for a drink.  We had a nice surprise when my Nephew Chris joined us at our outside table overlooking the lodge.  The sun felt warm on my face, it was nice to have a few minutes letting the rays soak through my skin.  When I was on the anti-cancer drug Cetuximab for two, three month sessions, I had to stay out of the sun.  My skin has been damaged by the drug but thankfully I can sit in the sun for a while and enjoy feeling the warmth penetrate my body.  I had half a day at the Hospice yesterday for their drop in day, then I went out for lunch with Jessica.  I tried to rest in between but I still got fatigued.  After my walk today I lay down to rest for an hour as recommended by my Occupational Therapist, then I went to the supermarket with Alan whilst he got the food shopping.  I didn't last very long.  I was soon feeling wobbly and like I was spinning out.  After trying on some clothes I was exhausted and had to sit down on the seats behind check out.  I couldn't find my glasses or my phone, I felt vulnerable.  I'd had a few minutes when I was looking at some clothes I needed, where I forgot I was ill, because I try to get on and live, but again today I was reminded how seriously ill I really am.  Reality sets in, it runs alongside me trying to live.  To live the life I used to have.  Freedom.  To not feel vulnerable and in need of help, to function as everyone around me seems to function.  To be normal.  I had that life.  When I think of how I used to be able to function I can't quite believe that's gone now.  I wasn't restricted physically, only by my mind which I could change.  It's a daily challenge, not to give in but to be positive with what I can work with now, today.  Which is my normal right now.