Learning to manage fatigue
The cancer fatigue I experience seems to have gone up a notch these past weeks.  I'm now understanding the importance of managing it or suffer the consequences of what the Occupational Therapists call boom and bust.  The cycle of having a boom of energy over - doing it and then being bust - having no energy and not getting anything at all done, which is what I experienced on Saturday when I suffered because of over activity with appointments last Friday.  I ended up in bed most of that day, feeling physically ill and fatigued.  I've tried various ways to sneak around the fatigue and cram in what I can, when I can in, but it's not the way.  I now understand the need for conserving energy and taking frequent breaks.  I had some reflexology at the Hospice this afternoon which was lovely and relaxing, and worth the effort to be out of the house and there on time.  Following that I met up with the Occupational Therapist at the hospice for our second meeting.  I handed in my homework of time sheets where I'd kept track of my energy levels throughout each day.  I could clearly see where there were periods when fatigue had reached high levels caused by over activity, often from the previous day.  I've now got some charts to organise my time, where I can make breaks for myself throughout the day so I'm not physically, emotionally, socially, or mentally, using precious energy.  Even watching T.V. is classed as using low levels of energy, It's going to take a while to adjust and organise my day and conserve as much as possible.  Like the rest of my journey through cancer, it will become normal for me as I adjust to the changes in a gradual way.  I have to step back from who I have been, and function in a new way.  Life goes on around me at full pace, it feels like I'm watching at some distance.  Obviously I'm participating in life, and most times from an internal viewing point, it's difficult and humbling at the same time.  It's like being stripped bare of everything you've known before.  Giving up and letting go of parts of yourself you can't be anymore.  The internal living goes on and many remarkable changes occur within which are not possible to describe.  When all else is being whittled away from your life what are you left with.  More of the core of who I am comes forward with a strong inner voice.  It's the part of me that watches, and understands, and gives me strength.