This beautiful photograph was taken by my friend Amanda in Brisbane, Australia.  She saw the rainbow yesterday as she was driving and pulled over to take the photograph for me, thank you Amanda!

Today was an important day for us because my Macmillan Nurse came to visit.  She last came to see us about a year ago.  At that time, today seemed a long way ahead, although I had no idea when I'd be meeting up with her again really.  I only knew that when I would meet her again this disease would have progressed through my body, or treatment had stopped working.  What happened was both of these things.  When discharged from Oncology, many cancer patients experience a feeling of being cut off from what felt secure, which is your treatment plan, and many appointments with the Oncologist, and scans every three months.  When you are in this environment of the treatment plan you can feel like you're tackling the cancer head on, and being as proactive as possible to stop the cancer cells multiplying and spreading throughout your body.  There is the routine of all this entails, and also all the people you interact with, especially on the chemo day unit, where the chemo patients sit and have their treatments together in a circle, tv in the corner, drinks and food to hand, talk, or no talk, there was a relaxing feeling in that ward with others going through their own journey.  It's a odd concept, that a day ward where Trained Nurses administer chemotherapy and anti cancer drugs could be so peaceful and relaxing.  It was very relaxing.

I was discharged from Oncology because my last scan on the 4th January showed the anti-cancer drug Cetuximab had stopped working.  Alan and I felt like balloons floating off in the sky, cut loose from two years of intense treatment plans, operations and recovery.  I really looked forward to my Macmillan Nurse visiting again so we could chat and talk about what next.  She stayed almost two hours answering our questions, and she was very good at making us feel like we had a comfort blanket around us.  She is good at her job!  What's next for me is an appointment with the Consultant and Occupational Therapist at the Hospice.  I need to see the Therapist for some strategies for coping with extreme fatigue.  I went to the Hospice yesterday to meet up with the Complementary Therapist who gave me a taster of my chosen treatment which was reflexology.   We made appointments for 3 sessions which I can have at the hospice.  The session went well, I found the Hospice to be very relaxing and a nice place to be.  There was a feeling of peace and serenity, and when I lay on the treatment table I felt tears welling up, almost relief, to be able to relax with nothing to think about, or worry about.  I felt like I was being prepared for death, but it wasn't awful and dark, I felt a great sense of humility and love.  Two words which are inadequate for how I felt, but I can't summon any others to describe the feeling.