Bilateral Ovarian Cyst problems
Further problems with Ovaries saw me getting an appointment with my G.P. this morning.  She'd asked me to come back to see her if the discomfort in my abdomen didn't improve over the week.  She's referring me to the hospital for an ultra-sound scan and also to see a Gynecologist Consultant.  I've also been in touch with the District Nurse who's coming out to see me on Monday.  I've not seen her since I was discharged from Oncology into Palliative care with the Hospice, so I gave her a brief update and will chat more with her next week.  When my Macmillan Specialist Nurse found out my symptoms were getting worse from my Ovaries, she said she would get an appointment sorted out for me with the Doctor at the Hospice.  They were prompt, getting in touch with me an hour later with an appointment set up for Friday morning.  I've also got the Occupational Therapist coming out on Wednesday morning to help me manage the fatigue that cancer brings along.  I'm terminally ill with cancer, so if it turns out the bilateral cysts in my ovaries are cancer it doesn't change the prognosis, but I still want to know what's happening in my body.  We're already keeping an eye on the lungs tumours, the tumour pressing on my urethra, and my bowels, so I want to know what I'm up against in my ovaries.  I've felt a bit low today from one or two things the Doctor said, and how the terminal part of this disease is creeping in, it's overwhelming sometimes.   Especially when you are living in a world where the future is part of your today, because so much of our today's are spent talking about what we will do in the future.  I've not been able to dig deep and find the positive attitude which is usually there for me.  I find unrealistic approaches somewhat depressing some days.  I think I'm positive with a realistic attitude thrown in.  Generally, I keep the balance just how I like it, in between two, but airy fairy I'm not.  I experience realism without feeling low most of the time because I use my mind to make sense of what's happening to me.  I weigh things up.  Right from day one I've asked all Doctors and Consultants to be up front and honest with me.  I need that.  I request to know what they know.  It's my body, I have a right to know.  Today, I feel low and that's fine.  I allow myself to feel what is there to feel.  I spent enough time teaching my clients how to do that for themselves, today has been a day to practice what I teach, to not feel guilty about feeling down or upset, not to try and disguise it, or hide it but to let it go.