My appointment with the Doctor at the Hospice went very well today. I don't think it could have gone any better, which is very nice to be able to say. It's my second meeting with her, and we aim to have regular appointments starting with the next one in a months time. It was good to feel confidence in her, she listened well, asked all the right questions and obviously had a great deal of experience in dealing with terminally ill patients. For this I was grateful, she understood me very well. It's not easy to find anyone who understands in such a way, in fact it's very hard to find that level of understanding of the process of dying. She asked me how I felt in my inner being about everything. I talked about how, in general, I'm a positive person but I have days, and moments, when I feel low, I may cry or I may feel blue, and worry about the family being without me. She smiled and said she would be worried if I didn't have days like that, if people say they are positive all the time she said, sometimes it can be harder to deal with than the illness or disease itself. I get that. I also talked with her about the process of my journey with cancer from my diagnosis to this point, and how I've adapted and adjusted over the 2 years. Every day I adapt, I progress through mental processes. There is a lot to work through. This afternoon I went to have an ultra sound scan, I had to drink one and a half pints of water an hour and a half before the appointment, and not go to the toilet. The first time they tried to scan me my bladder wasn't full enough so I went off to drink some more water for half an hour. I drank over 2 liters of water. The second try went well, and the Radiologist chatted to me all the way through, and I watched the ultra sound scan on the screen with her. She couldn't check out the right ovary but the left one had a fluid filled cyst. My uterus looked healthy so I asked her to check out my pelvic area. She said when a pelvic cancer mass is large it pushes things over such as the bladder which didn't show any signs of being pushed over. Finally she checked out my kidney's. My left Kidney was still showing signs of enlargement but there was no back up noted, the right Kidney was fine. Thankfully it sounds like the cancer mass in my pelvis hasn't caused a back up in my Kidneys yet which is good news. My Kidney aches on my left side, the Radiographer said that could be that the Kidney is draining slower than normal. I'll have to wait now to talk to my G.P. because they need the measurements of the Ovarian cysts from my C.T. Scan in January to compare with her report of today's ultra sound scan. This could take some time because the Radiographer who compiled the report for my C.T. scan didn't put any measurements on the report for the ovarian cysts. He did for the lung tumours. My brain doesn't work as well since I had chemotherapy treatments for 6 months, sometimes my sentences are out of cinch and I can't say what I want to say in ways I want to say it. Let's hope you can make sense of this.
I've played this Sting song a few times when I've been at home today, 'Desert Rose' is another song which I liked when we lived in Dubai. I especially liked it because of it's Middle Eastern style which I grew to like when I lived there.
